My 17 month old, Andrew, is a biter and I hate it! As most moms, I vowed that I would never have a biter and wouldn’t put up with it should I ever have one. But, now that he’s started doing it, I’m at a loss.
When most parents send their child off to Daycare, they expect them to come home bite free. Yes, maybe some bumps and bruises, but no bites. Imagine how bad I feel now that I am the Daycare Provider and MY child is the biter. I feel horrible!
The thing is, he doesn’t do it all the time. Its only when he’s teething. He can go weeks and weeks and not even try to bite anyone. And then all the sudden, he starts to get a tooth trying to pop through and he turns into a biter.
Most of the time he is just loving on you or playing and will chomp down. He’s immediately sorry and cuddles up to you and won’t let go. He knows it hurts! Then recently, he started biting other kids when they make him REALLY mad. Someone plays tug of war with a toy he has and won’t let go, he just bends down and bites their hand. Someone won’t get out of his little Elmo chair, he first tries to push them and then bites.
I’m used to Ella or any of the daycare kids I’ve watched just swing at someone when they get really upset. That’s been the normal reaction around here for toddlers and preschoolers. But, I’ve never had to deal with a biter.
I don’t really know what to do besides watch him closely when he’s having a hard time teething. I’ve tried firmly saying no biting and I know that he gets it. You can tell. I’ve tried ignoring him and cuddling the child that has been bitten, removing him completely, and whatever else we could think of. The only thing to prove successful in preventing Andrew from biting, is being on top of the situation and watching for the signs that he’s getting upset and then getting him out of the situation.
Hopefully, this is just a phase and it will not turn into a habit. Considering it seems to only happen when he’s teething, I really don’t think it will.
Let’s talk…
Is your child a biter? Has your child been bitten by another child?
What did you do? How did you feel?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Biting can be such a frustrating thing – it hurts and it seems to have a sort of “animalistic” aura about it that can make us feel like our child is a monster.
One of the stories we like to joke about in my family is about when my son bit my knee and I alledgedly “kicked him across the room”. The story has been much exaggerated over the years but he really did bite me and I really did move my leg in a way that made him land on his butt, shocking all of us in the process. I’m not suggesting this is a good way to deal with it…I’m simply sharing my families fondest memory of my biting child.
I would like to compliment you on the fact that you are already aware of when your child tends to bite and are working so hard to watch for the signs that might indicate it’s about to happen. Predicting and preventing is so much easier than dealing with things after the fact. Of course we won’t always see it before it happens and that’s what causes us the grief.
I have yet to hear of a way to deal with this challenge that works effectivley and leaves everybodies dignity in tact. A firm “No” like we do for hitting, a clear consequence for when the behaviour happens and a calm adult putting it all in place seems to be the only one that works.
It is interesting, I think, that if you compare it to other things (i.e. pushing) we tend to have a more emotional response to biting. I think we do this because of the “animalistic” piece I mentioned earlier and the way others respond which such horror to a bite. Unfortunately, when we respond in this way we begin to create a powerstruggle that can cause biting to go on much longer than it would have without it.
Sounds to me like you are doing a lot of the “right” things already. If you can continue to be clear, calm and consistent about biting hopefully you will see the end of it quite quickly. In the meantime, having something else he can bite is a great idea (I always liked the wet cloth in the freezer idea). Best of luck and watch out if he goes for your knee!
You’re totally right, Debbie. People do get really upset over biting when in fact it’s “almost” the same as hitting – it comes from the same overwhelming emotions when a child doesn’t know how to hand them. At this young age, it’s impossible to distinguish between which is better – hitting or biting.
Neither in an adult’s mind.
Hopefully, we as parents can establish an early understanding that neither is right and it won’t be an ongoing issue.
Thank you for your comment and understanding!!
You know my struggle… We had to take our kids our of pleasant run because Cade was bit daily by other kids…
Oh I know, Liz. I would be totally upset if my child had bite marks on them! It is an awful feeling and I hate it for my daycare kids as well.
Now that I have a biter, I seem to understand it better. Not that it is acceptable and should be ignored, but I see that it’s the same in his mind as when a child bonks him on the head with a toy when he tries to take it. He’s just reacting without hitting and is biting.
Thank goodness it’s not a daily occurrence. It’s only every once in a while!
I’m not sure where it comes from, since it’s never been seen or been done to him. I guess it’s just another emotion coming out in his little world.
Oh Kasey! I have to offer my two cents here
You are so wonderful & don’t you forget it! You are doing exactly what you “should” be doing (in my expert opinion…lol). Unfortunatly, people don’t realize that biting is completely normal. You’ve been able to target that the biting occurs during teething…very common. And it is wonderful that you know that & know to be on high alert during those times. When I was a center director I always ensured that my parents understood what I was doing to alleviate the situation. You often hear horror stories of programs that do nothing & ignore the problem…as one of the comments alluded to. Don’t beat yourself up over it. It is a phase that will pass. Keep staying alert during those trying times & you’ll make it through 
Call me if you need help!
OH…thanks, Jean!! You’re right, biting is completely normal. But, people don’t see it that way.
But, I would be upset as well if it was ignored. It should be treated the same as hitting in my opinion. Not acceptable, but normal! Thanks for weighing in!!
My kiddo (20 months) bites from time to time when he’s teething too. So far it’s only been the couch or a pillow, my shoulder every once in a while. He has threaten to bite the dogs, which I always respond with a firm no. Who knows how they will react after being bitten? Hopefully his teething will slow down soon, and the habit will disappear.
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I’m thinking that biting the dogs would not be a good thing!
My son hasn’t tried that one yet…but give him time. : )